depression sucks

I've been having a really bad time yesterday and today with migraines and depression. But it is the depression that is pulling me down the most. I've been taking my med and even some extra of it lately because I've been feeling so blah. Today I haven't wanted to talk to anyone or do anything because I feel so depressed. I know that this is not good and am trying to work it out. Hence why I'm writing about it on here. I hate being depressed almost as much as I hate having migraines so often. I have an appointment on the 2nd with a neurologist to see if we can't find something to get rid of these migraines or at least control them to a better extent. Things have been up and down for me lately. I've had good days and I've had bad but yesterday and today have been the worst lately. Well I guess that I should go and try to get some sleep but from sleeping so late today i'm not really that tired...ah well.

Successful happenings

Hello everybody! It has been a good yet not so good time since I last wrote. I've had a lot of migraines that kept me from concentrating. But on the upside I was finally able to get my kiln tested and it worked wonderfully. So the next day I did a glaze firing for the first time in my own kiln. It was successful! Yay! *happy dance* I have a working kiln! *continues happy dance*

On another end I had a successful date on Sunday. I met a nice guy on a site called christianmingle.com and we met for lunch here in town and it went wonderfully. He is really sweet. I don't know where it is all going to go or anything but I enjoyed the time that I had.

I hope everyone has a great week. Take care and know that you are all in my prayers.

St. Patrick's Day

Happy Saint Patrick's Day everyone! May the Luck of the Irish be will you all! Memories of past St. Patty's day meals with my parents came up today. My mom wrote about them in her own blog. We would have green pancakes, green milk, and corned beef and cabbage. Today though we had a beef roast, boiled potatoes, and corn. No corned beef and definitely NO cabbage. PEWWWW! Cooking cabbage is so STINKY!!! It would always make me gag. LOL the green milk would make my oldest brother gag so that is funny memories. We would simply add a few drops of green food coloring to the milk or pancake batter. Fun memories. I miss those times sometimes. Well I'm going to work on some of my writing. Take care everyone!

Quotes

When I worked at the Campus Center Desk at North Park University I would have a competition going on with the desk manager to see who could come up with the best quote. Then today I looked at my brother and sister-in-love's blog and there was a quote of the day feature at the top of their blog and it brought back the memories of the laughs that I would have with my manager at topping each other if we could. Never truly had a winner. :) But thanks to my brother I now can have a quote of the day going on my own blog and instead of just a general one I went with something that is close to my heart. LOL I have an Art Quote of the day. After all Art is my passion and my gift in multiple forms. Take care everyone I'm going to go and spend the day out of the house enjoying the nearly 50 degree weather that we are having today. It looks as if spring is on its way.

fears...

I have come to realize that I have a fear when it comes to church. I have had so many things happen to me when I start to trust people in churches. The church that my dad is now a pastor of is a wonderful family but I have a fear that comes through when it is time to go to church. I am very claustrophobic in crowds and while there isn't much of a crowd at this church I still have issues with being in church. I also have the problem of feeling confined because I feel like I can't worship the way that I want to, arms raised in worship signing to the words I know things like that. I also feel like eyes are on me a lot because of how little I'm actually able to get to church. I know these aren't great reasons not to actually go to church but they are some of the few. I will be working on dealing with these things in the coming weeks and months but I ask that you my friends and family will pray for me in the dealing with this. I've been hurt so much at other churches that it makes me timid to open up at this one. Oh sure when I'm at church I'm all bubbly and talkative but for those that don't know it talking is my way of hiding my nerves. So pray for me that things will improve for me.

I'm trying to figure out what to do about my etsy site first I have to get some things made to put on it. But as soon as I do that I will have a shop. I pray that as soon as I have a shop that I get sales. THat is my prayer. We got the electrical connection fixed downstairs so I should be able to use my Kiln soon we just have to get it tested to make sure it works first. :) I'm so excited about having it work! Pray for me that things will work out and that I can get a business up and running.

Something to think on

I was reading my old journals last night and found an entry that I thought should be shared so here I am going to do so.

I begin this journal for my thoughts, hopes, dreams, and prayers. I write within these pages poems, psalms, stories, and mindless ramblings. Anything that fills my head I will write of it. Be it prayers or stories it matters not. My life like my writing has many twists and turns where sometimes I have no idea what is going to happen next. I've had many valleys on this journey called life and many seemingly passable mountains but through them all I've had my family, true friends, and most of all GOD to carry me through. My life has never been easy and most likely will remain that way during my remaining days. But I do not desire an easy life simply a life that I can live to the fullest and glorify GOD through. May seem off to many that I wouldn't desire an easy life after all the pain, physical and emotional, that I have had but it is true. I want a life that will allow me the chance to make a difference and leave a mark on society. A good mark where people remember me for WHO I worked so hard for and not what I wear, drive, eat, or look like. I want people to look at me and not see me but HIM. Obnoxious, some may think, far fetched, never going to happen? I say dream to be different. Strive to show the WAY. Hope in a better world. Serve for the world yet to come. Seek Heaven with all your heart. Know that HE loves everyone. Bring HIS light into the world. I've never really desired to fit in as much as I've desired to stand out for HIM. GOD made me what I am today and HE will continue to mold me into what HE desires me to be. When I meed HIM I want to hear the words "Well done good and faithful servant." As HE wraps me in HIS loving arms. I plan on finishing this race that is my life strong and I plan on helping as many as I can finish just as strong. And help them to also know the comforting words "Well done." That is my desire and it is what I will strive for with all my heart though the remaining stages of my lifes race.


That is what I wrote a few years ago and still today I desire the things that I wrote in that entry. I hope that everyone who reads this also desires that same thing. Look not to yourself or the world for praise but look to the ONE that created us for the simple words "well done." To receive those words the day I reach Heaven will be a wonderful thing and I hope that I make an impact on other lives so that they too can hear those words. You are all in my prayers and I hope that you all stop and think for a while on the words that I've written today and figure if you want them for yourself.

Trying to have a life...

Hello everyone...Being in the cold frozen tundra of upper Minnesota I'm trying to find something to do with my time that will let me get to know others my own age...hence instant messaging with people I have never met on a christian website and joining a chat room on the same site. Today I have talked to several gentlemen and had others decline to chat with me. But it has all been good to get to know others that live in and around this area. The guys that I've talked to are really nice and really funny at times. I've enjoyed my times of talking with them. It has been difficult though between migraines and upset stomach to focus on things other than my writing even my art has been put on hold but that will change! I SWEAR IT!!! I have to stay positive and believe that things will change or I will travel down into my depression again and that is not a place I want to go any time soon. Well my friends I've decided on many things that I want to try and some of them will take some time. But pray that the things that I am trying work out even if you don't know what those things are. :) Love you all!

Desperate prayers needed!!!

Hello everyone I know that I just posted a little bit ago but I just heard from one of my friends that her father is in need of serious prayer!! This is the message that my friend sent me: "My Dad goes in tomorrow morning (scheduled for 8A) for cardiac catheterization to try to open the 100% blockage. We pray that major surgery will be avoided. If it goes well and quickly, they will also do the 80% one; otherwise, that will be done another time.Please pray for healing and peace for my Dad, for wisdom and skill for the doctors; and for strength and peace for our family. Thank you." So for those of you that believe in the power of prayer please lift this family and this man in prayer.

Another week ahead

So another week has arrived and we are all still feeling kind of sick around the house. Mom and dad didn't go to small group because they both just felt too run down. Dad sounds worse than he says he is. So we all need prayers that we can get better fast. I've decided to try online dating again but this time I joined a cheaper site called christianmingle.com and already I've gotten more matches in my area than I ever did while on eharm. So I think it is a good site. I only have a month. Thank you mom and dad for paying for the first month!!! LOVE YOU BOTH!!! I've been watching a lot of America's Next Top Model. I just needed to laugh over all the DRAMA that is taking place. There is so much drama...it is crazy! I'm still watching it and I've been laughing even more in this episode. It is all of one season in one day. Anyway this week hopefully will be better. I've got a migraine today that won't go away but I stayed up anyway. Well I'm going to go work on my writing. Talk to you all later!