fears...

I have come to realize that I have a fear when it comes to church. I have had so many things happen to me when I start to trust people in churches. The church that my dad is now a pastor of is a wonderful family but I have a fear that comes through when it is time to go to church. I am very claustrophobic in crowds and while there isn't much of a crowd at this church I still have issues with being in church. I also have the problem of feeling confined because I feel like I can't worship the way that I want to, arms raised in worship signing to the words I know things like that. I also feel like eyes are on me a lot because of how little I'm actually able to get to church. I know these aren't great reasons not to actually go to church but they are some of the few. I will be working on dealing with these things in the coming weeks and months but I ask that you my friends and family will pray for me in the dealing with this. I've been hurt so much at other churches that it makes me timid to open up at this one. Oh sure when I'm at church I'm all bubbly and talkative but for those that don't know it talking is my way of hiding my nerves. So pray for me that things will improve for me.